Building Resilience

Building Resilience

Picture this, two kids in a playground fighting over whose turn it is to go next on the swing set. One gets it, the other misses out. Are high level negotiations called or, is it just better to butt out and leave the kids to it?

What useful lessons are learnt when children realize life is not always fair?

Resilience is the new black when it comes to parenting circles and according to the “experts” too much is not enough.

What’s Resilience?

Resilient kids tend to be independent and work out problems for themselves; they also take pride in their own achievements and stick at things. This doesn’t mean that life has dealt them a kinder hand. On the contrary it’s often through difficulties that kids learn how to be more self sufficient and resilient.

As always, it also pays to pick your parents well and in resilience like so many other positive traits, genetics plays a role.

Today’s parents can be determined not to repeat what they see as the mistakes of their own parents.

Brushing up on skills with books, attending a course or just discussing different strategies with other parents, has become very normal.

Is it Possible to Care too Much?

Most of us want to have a good relationship with our kids but in the process it’s possible to lose sight of who’s the parent and who is the child. Fewer children in families leads to a concentration of parent energy; there’s simply less chance for individual kids to be missed or overlooked.

Busy schedules with a focus on keeping spare time productive means that many kids don’t have the chance to make their own rules and negotiate their free time. Children just don’t have the opportunity to fail like they once did and in the process, their lives and experiences have become insulated.

But how do I Stand Back?

All very well to be told to stand back and just observe your children being pummeled by life’s cruelties.

How do parents ease back and find the right balance of support and freedom? According to Michael Grose- parenting expert, it’s important for parents themselves to not be too high in the maintenance stakes.

It’s healthy for parents to have something else in their lives other than their family. Parents will often link their own self esteem with how well their children achieve and this is fraught with potential problems.


  • Support kids when they experience hardships rather than protect them from difficulties
  • See some of life’s smaller difficulties as learning opportunities.
  • Build up kids’ coping skills and teach them to look for positives in situations.
  • Talk about how to cope when life isn’t fair.

• Build up children’s social networks – connected kids are usually more resilient.

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